Boys Will Be Boys

Posts Tagged ‘parenting advice’

Advice is dished our way through the course of our lives but it seems to me that once you see those 2 lines appear on a pregnancy test it starts flowing from everyone, including strangers!  Being a mom, new mom or just a parent in general is like an invitation for advice.  How you take it is up to you of course.

10 of the best advice I’ve received~

1~sleep when they sleep: Isn’t this the truth, it works!  Put down the dishes, step away from the laundry, get off the computer, and get some rest or don’t complain about your lack of sleep! Ok, I know that is easier said than done and a lot of times I still feel the need to have things in order instead of using nap times as a resting period for myself. (even harder now with 2 kiddos!)

2~never say never: Pretty vague but I said I’d never let my kids sleep in my bed.  Hello, hypocritical heather here!  I had Braysen in our bed and now Merrick.  Braysen was transitioned to his crib around 9 months for naps and by 12 he was fully in his crib through the night.  Merrick is in his cribs now for naps and starts off his night there but ends up with us.  For us, this works but not for everyone (advice #5 coming up haha).  I said I’d “never” let my kids watch endless cartoons as a means of “babysitting them” for us.

There are times honestly when you have that 2 ½ toddler running around driving you nuts, the baby is sitting in the kitchen hanging onto your leg crying and you have a sink full of dishes, laundry going upstairs and your head is about to explode.  I get the baby distracted by some toys and a little Mickey Mouse for the toddler than wala dishes done in peace.  I am kind of picky about what channels we have on for cartoons and what ones he’s watching.  Not only does he prefer ones that make him think at least but I like that he’s answering questions and puzzle solving with them.  At least I’m not parking him in front of some cartoon with animated people shooting each other or something.  It’s also a matter of moderation.  We are lucky that our little guy, as much as he likes some cartoons, he also is a great independent player and a very active guy.

3~It gets easier: Those first few weeks are hard.  Sleep deprivation is something you know going in is coming but then it hits you and you realize that you’re a walking zombie.  It’s even more difficult imo, if you are your nursing.  Even if the baby latches easily and they are pro’s at nursing, you find yourself on their schedule, their demand and for some it’s hard to adjust to that.   (This kind of leads to the next advice.)    Even later on when you are going through that horrible toddler tantrum nightmare, that I’m currently in, I keep telling myself “it’ll get easier, we’ll get through this stage!”

4~Go with the flow: Let the babies tell you what they need and when they need it.  Don’t go home thinking you’ll have this wonderful schedule the first week and be all settled into a routine. As much as you want to schedule things, you are on “kiddo time” and to some extent, until they graduate and move out, you will remain on kiddo time.  They’ll fall into a routine after a while where you’ll notice they nap at the same time and eat around the same time so go with it.  Encourage that a little bit but don’t be surprised if they start changing things on you about the same time you think it’s all figured out.

5~What works for others may or may not work for you, do what’s best for you & your family: I say this all the time when I do sort of give advice.  What works for my baby/kids may not work for yours.  Also, my 2 boys are different in themselves.  What worked for Braysen, may not work for Merrick and this is already showing true in some ways.

6~Follow your Instincts: No book can tell you what to do or how to react when something comes up, you’ll figure it out then.  Instincts and your heart can lead you a long ways.  When all else fails, trust your instincts.  Books don’t know everything, as great references they are (trust me, I went out and bought my share of books too), they don’t know you, your kids or your family.

7~Take care of yourself too:  If you are tired, drained, emotional and just can’t take care of yourself, how are you going to handle taking care of your kids?  Yes, we put our kids first but it’s so important to get some time set aside that you can relax even for a few minutes.

8~Don’t compare your child to the neighbors child, to the cousin, to the sibling: I think it’s natural for us to compare our kids to others.  I know I’ve done it a million times over but deep down I know that each kid is different.  Growth charts also scare the heck out of parents sometimes.  The 90% doesn’t mean that your kid is better than anyone else on the growth scale.  The 20% doesn’t mean they are less.  I like how people use that scale as a comparison tool ..”my kid is in the 90%” etc.  I’ve never had Braysen get above 25% in his weight but he is 90% height and then I have Merrick who is a 80-90% weight and height kiddo.  I have a pediatrician that clearly explains that being in the top % doesn’t really mean much.  He’s more interested in their curve and how they are growing/gaining and what their genetics are.  Braysen has his dads body type no doubt and our ped. jokes about it almost every visit because he’s just a tall & skinny little boy.  We’ve never been worried about his weight even when he dropped off the chart.  We have Merrick who is 90% weight but obviously not a fat kid.  So, don’t take those growth charts so seriously folks!

We are proud to be parents and we are even more proud when our kids start reaching developmental milestones but again, not all kids are the same and it doesn’t make yours any better or less than others.  I have early walkers, clearly I did something wrong in another life to get such active into everything trouble makers (sarcasm).  I have neighbors with girls that talk way more clearly and conversational then Braysen but I know he isn’t behind in his developmental skills in the slightest.  Don’t let yourself get caught up in the “my kid is better than your kid scenario” ..It’s ok to be proud but competition has a place and I don’t think developmental milestones is it.  (ok, I hope that didn’t sound bad but I don’t know how to word it nicer!)

9~It’s ok to say no: When people ask you if you want visitors that first day home, it’s ok to say No or ask them to come another day.  It’s not you being selfish, it’s you being a mom and needing some time with your family.  The first few days are so rough with everyone wanting to visit and at times I think other are selfish in their needs to see the baby.  I understand how excited everyone is but what about the mom who just went through labor and wants that time to bond and get settled?  Do they think of her needs or their needs when wanting to be there in those first few days?

Later on it moves to saying no to your kids for various things.  We just started getting some of that at stores when Braysen wants something.  I’ve never been one to buy him things everytime I’m at the store with him.  Very very rarely does he walk out with something.  I don’t want him thinking he gets a new toy or some item each time he shops.  But I know also that the years ahead are going to be more trying as he really starts to beg for things.  The saying “No” will continue through years..how firm can I stand my ground..I don’t know.  (I’m such a sucker for my little guys!)

10~Enjoy Every Moment: With each day passing, it seems like time has gone by too fast. The boys are growing like weeds and I’m missing the previous stages but looking forward to new ones.  It’s easy to want them to grow up too quick but I realize more and more each day how I just want to make each day, each stage of their  lives last longer.

Closing note of my never ending ramblings~~~~
Someone may give you advice but it doesn’t mean you have to take it, take what you want from it.  I never ever intend to come off sounding “holier than thou” when I give advice either but I know that sometimes giving advice, no matter who you are can come off that way.  When someone gives you advice, they aren’t doing it to belittle, hurt you or come across like you aren’t doing something right, they “think” they are helping you so just take what you want from it and go on with what’s best for you and your family!