So, today I found out that it wasn’t Mrs. L that was coming down on me but others were telling her I’m never on time etc etc. It’s funny that the 2 bitching are ones that recently have gotten in trouble for disappearing at 2-3 and never being heard of for the rest of the day. Seems they decided to come down on others I guess which is just f’ing lovely. It’s nice to have coworkers you think are “friends” and trust but instead have them backstabbing and making up bullshit. The biggest hypocrits in the office…go figure. I love office drama. I don’t want to be babysat and think i’m adult enough to handle shit myself. I worked until 5 yesterday (hour past my time) to make up for a whopping 15 minutes, just to make sure I covered my arse. Did I really need to stay an extra hour??? NOPE but hey I did it…still dunno why.

*sighs* I don’t need this bs, this stress and neither does baby grayblob!

~heather

So the line of the day is “well you’re the one that wanted to be pregnant”.

~Basically, my day started off with throwing up almost instantly after waking up and then proceeding to throw up a few more times while trying to get ready for work and out the door. I called my project mgr as I was running late and told him. So I got in at a whopping 15 minutes late - 7:15. My pm was understanding but once Mrs. L got into work she came down to ask me “do you want to change your schedule to 7:30 so you can get to work on time?” I replied back with “i’ve been throwing up all morning and all weekend might I add, so I called Ed to let him know I was running late” She fired back about how I should call her which I replied with “ed is the person at the office at 7, not you and he will be the one telling techs or anyone else that i’m running late, not you” She still wants me to call her?? Ok, whatever. I don’t get it personally….so I guess despite what I was told months ago from the owner ..she is acting as my boss afterall??? She said I was late all last week, which is bs..I called one time last week (again to Ed) but that was all. ANDDDDDD I worked until 4:30 almost every day last week with no lunch (9 1/2 hour days) so what’s 15 f’ing minutes??? I just don’t get the high and mighty thing going on there for a bit. It just irks me that there’s no sympathy. The fact that I pulled over last week when I was running late to throw up twice along the side of the road to just get here doesn’t seem to even slightly draw any sympathy. I’m still coming to work, haven’t called in sick no matter how deathly I feel and I sit and throw up almost all day long at work…in a nasty arse bathroom I might add. Yes, I’m pregant..yes it’s my fault I guess i’m sick but jeezus i’ve NEVER seen a company or coworker treat a woman like this when she’s feels as bad as I do. They say morning sickness can last until 15 weeks even ..god that’s like almost 2 months more. I dunno how i’m going to deal with this work situation and them bitching for another 2 months.

I thought I was doing good by working even 9 1/2 hour days when i’m sick like this but guess it’s just nothing. I really wish i’d get through this first trimester faster. I have a doc appt next Monday for my 8 week ultrasound and think i’m taking Patrick with me on this one so he can finally see the lil blob

Back to work..*sighs*…and more puking to follow.

~heather

Everything is ok - i’m healthy and looking normal. Long story made short, I ovulated a week late or something and so my dates aren’t matching exactly up but hey that is a-ok! This is from Friday’s Ultrasound showing me at 6 weeks 2 days approx. Meet grayblob aka baby pfrehm!
~heather

I had been really debating on letting this entry go public because of how personal this is to me but since friends and family read this journal here’s a repeat from a posting on a board and in my email to family/friends.

I typed up this letter to some friends and family because this week has been a nightmare.

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I’m having a hard time even knowing what to say or type at the moment …but I got bad news yesterday at a doctors visit. I had noticed something a lil wrong earlier this week with my pregnancy and got into an early doctors appointment. During my ultrasound we should’ve seen a 6 weeks 6 days fetus with a heartbeat but mine showed nothing. It showed only a size of barely 5 weeks with nothing forming. The doctor was really nice but explained that I was indeed probably having an miscarriage. It looks like what I’m going through is the most common 25% of what miscarriages actually happen, which is when a embryo isn’t developed in the placenta at all. I know that might be to much info but it’s the best explaination he gave me. There was a small 1% chance that my dates may be mixed up or my body might have not be “regular” but all instincts tell me it’s not. I’m lucky to have Patrick by my side through this and even thought it feels like a really really bad dream..I know that things happen for reasons. It’s probably the worst thing I’ve ever gone through. To be so excited and let down by the thought of having this child is something I hope no one has to go through. At this point I’m waiting for nature to just do what it needs to. I’ll go into the doctor again Monday for another blood draw if things don’t happen this weekend to monitor my HCG levels to see if the dates are wrong but I just know things aren’t right. I feel like I should’ve never told our friends and family so early but Patrick was so excited for this that it was hard to hold back from letting it out. Nothing is wrong with me the doctor assured me and said that we can start trying soon after and once we are ready but in the meantime it’s such a waiting thing at the moment. I’m sad that I don’t have my mom or friends around to talk to. I just laid in bed and cried for the past few days knowing something wasn’t right. Part of me understands and I know other friends / family that have gone through it but it seems surreal. I seem so calm on the outside but in my head and heart I’m a mess. I hate feeling like this and want it to just disappear.

This is probably one of the hardest letters I’ve had to type.

*cries*
sav / heather

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update as of Jan. 9th.
I still haven’t miscarried and find that this is probably the hardest part almost. It’s the waiting, knowing it will happen and just realizing that i’ll probably have a hard time again emotionally when that hits me. I have a doc. appt. tomorrow to get more blood drawn and then i’m sure the doctor will call me with the news of my HCG lowering. I’m going to bring up to him, the fact that I don’t want to wait 4 weeks for this to pass and see what my options are. I really do not want a D&C if all can be taken care of naturally or if I can take the pill that helps speed up the process. I guess we’ll see.

Thanks for everyones support. I know I haven’t been wanting to talk much but I just can’t deal with the questions, the explaining over and over again on how I feel or how i’m doing etc.

~heather

I haven’t written in ages and things are just so crazy.

We had some Xmas news that I was hesistant on telling many yet but oh well my whole family knows and close friends.

I am PREGNANT!

We found out Xmas week. I had tested a few times early that week but it all seemed faint lines and I was in denial …I tested the day after we got back from Oregon and yes, very strong + sign. I have my 8 week appointment January 14th. It looks like my due date will be around August 27/28 but we’ll see when the doctor looks at me. I am a little nervous about the first appointment and hope i’m doing well so far. I always hear of miscarriages in the first trimester so it makes me nervous getting too excited already but i’m thinking happy thoughts for a healthy pregnancy. So far, I don’t have the pleasure of morning sickness..YAY! I am a little nauseated when I wake up but not throwing up at least. My body is achy and i’m tired a lot right now. I couldn’t nap enough it seems and with working I’m really tired at night so have been going to bed early for the most part. I did a little shopping with my gift cards from xmas for some loose and baggier clothes that I can grow into. Some cute blouses from Maurice’s that I can expand to fit or undo the buttons hehe. I am not really showing yet, but just feel bloated so it’s more comfortable to have some looser fitting clothes then my tight jeans.

We told our parents and that went over well. I got a lot of questions from my step-mom and dad but everyone else seemed to think we are ready. We wouldn’t have gotten pregnant if it wasn’t an ok time in our lives. Patrick has been really cute about it and that’s makes me just gleam. His parents were down here for the New Years Eve weekend with us celebrating it and cooking up a storm. It was so nice to have them in town and it made for a very relaxing weekend. It has been snowing like mad here so they had a fun drive down and it seems they just missed the new storm moving in.

Well that’s my big news of the year! May this year bring lots of joy into everyone’s lives!

At some point, i’ll write more about our xmas vacation in Oregon and try to get some pictures up!

Hugs
heather